i'm meila, 22 years old, student clinical child psychology (uu), living in rotterdam. white, cis, lesbian, anarchofeminist.

i've been studying for five years now, doing liberal arts and sciences at utrecht university. i organized my own curriculum so i could graduate on the major clinical child psychology, which would get me into the master's programme in 2022-2023. i've been doing my studies in a slower pace, so i have more time for my personal development and volunteerwork. for two years i've been doing volunteerwork as a supervisor of a supportgroup for teenage girls with an eating disorder. this experience is so interesting to me, because i used to be a participant of such supportgroups when i was a teenager (although not for an eating disorder). having experienced both sides of the dynamic, it brought me to a lot of reflection. i find myself slipping into behaviours as a supervisor that i used to criticize my supervisors on, such as taking in a passive role in the dynamic of the group. i hated this, because i felt dependent on the supervisor to help me. now i apply the same tactic to increase the autonomy of the participants of my group. the girls in my group have been thinking in eating disorders for so long, they can't remember what it's like to have a personality and thinking about other things now that they're in recovery. i purposely take in a passive role to give them space to think for themselves. above all, i've found that being a good social worker is a lot of reflective, introspective and tough work.

besides this, i spend a lot of time working on my personal development and community care (and how i interpret community care to be). being an anarchofeminist, i care a lot about destructing harmful hierarchies and creating strong structures based on care and vulnerability. this is also how i view my preparations to become a child's psychologist. it's taking me a lot of introspective work, unlearning many kinds of structures and hierarchies in my mind and building new mindsets and knowledge. i don't believe diagnosing and medicating children makes any sense, neither do i believe a power-structure of me (the psychologist) versus the child makes any sense. the psychologist needs to create an environment in which the child can flourish, where the child is understood and cared for. in which the child can grow to be autonomous (which i.m.o. does not mean independent) and a functional being to their best potential. the western idea of psychology is so capitalist and white; no room for authentic care for another, no space for alternative methods of healing or ways of being. a child is 'right' when they act normal, when they function comforming to their expected role in society. i don't ever want a client of mine or any child in my environment to grow up with these ideas internalized into their development.


[to be continued, i guess]